We stopped going to any meetings in Mid Jan 2010. The CO (along with the DO and another two elders) who was complict to a large degree wanted to meet at the next visit (May). We did and were very honest in saying that for personal reasons we choose not to attend any meetings and would feel uncomfortable in service while matters were left unresolved. We explained that we were cognizant of the fact that people in positions of oversight were imperfect. We just could not understand why ones remained when they were clearly shown (evidence, not supposition) that they no longer met the qualifications to be insuch positions and that such ones openly encouraged gossip and slander with impunity. To their "one isolating themsleves" argument we countered with "shrewd is the one that has seen the calamity and conceals themslved from it". Suprisingly, in this situation, the scriptures seemed to flow much easier and certainly with more lucidly.
We demonstrated in a very kind and loving manner that there is no evidence to support that when it comes to a failure/negligence to live up to the qualifications for an overseer one must "wait on Jehovah" or "wait till the new system" for maters to be corrected. On the contrary, Jesus said "to whom much is given much is expected". This was given to help Christians see that self examination/retrospection was a vital part of ones Christian being. We knew there would be absolutely NO way an elder or CO would be removed or choose to step aside and acknowledge there immoral actions. The self-grandizement/righteousness prevents them from taking such action. Since then we have not been bothered or contacted - I was the COBIE very active in CA/SAD/DC and RBC, so that in itself irks them. We simply do not worry any more. Afterall, there will be a new CO and the bOE will not want to try to explain the details.
Importantly, you should not lower yourself to their standards. Be kind and courteous and keep your cool. Provide them with a plausible reason (not an excuse) as to why you no longer attend, thank them for their kind words and keep the discussion to no longer than 1/2hr, do not offer any driks or treats - this is not a social call, it is about ones life as a Christian. Ele-lux you are in good company here and you will find helpful assitance from those who can trully empthasize with you. I felt very awkward at first, but not anymore.
Simon Morley